Woe to us if we ever become so fixated on the welfare of our own children that we lose our passion for rescuing lost neighbors and reaching lost nations. It is astonishing, but true that Jesus said in Matthew 19:29, "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall inherit eternal life." We have to come to terms with the fact that leaving children for Jesus' sake may not be sin.
Don't stop with that excerpt...go read the rest and then come back and tell me what you think! I'd love to discuss this with you.
18 comments:
My one thought on this way too early Monday morning is that he doesn't really define what he's talking about. It's all too subjective for me. If he would give an example of what "leaving your children" for the kingdom might look like, then I could maybe have an opinion about what he's saying. Or maybe we're supposed to be smart enough to figure that out? The other thing is that the article talks a lot about what the responsibilities of parents are and reading that list, it seems as though those things would all take a lot of time. So if you have "left them" in a sense, for kingdom work, then how would you be able to do those things? Is he talking about a shift in our attitides and thinking or is he saying that if your children get in the way of your ministry, your ministry should come first? Also, I was reading some of the related articles and in one of them he's talking about not buying into the world's standards when it comes to having kids and that Christians should have lots of them. Again, how does this work then? Because kids take lots and lots of time and lots and lots of kids take lots more time. It seems to me that if you choose to have 8 kids, you are limiting what you can do ministry wise. Okay, probably none of that made sense cause I'm mostly asleep, but I'm using my insomnia to contemplate deep spiritual truths with you. Thanks for the link by the way - it does make you think!
I had more thoughts while brushing my teeth and such. Sorry to dominate your comments. I should like to ask Mr. Piper... I'm sure there are cases where people would like to go on the mission field but they fear for the safety of their children or maybe their education or what have you. And this may keep them at home. I can see him making the point that this is not good. So maybe he's saying that kids should be involved in the parent's ministry and should not be seen as a detriment to ministry. Or is he saying that you should do whatever it takes to do minutry and if that means sending the kids to boarding school or any number of things, that what you do, because Christ comes first. I'm just askin here... not making any judgement calls or anything. And I know that he has 4 sons and one daughter (I only know this because I'm engaged to a Piper groupie) and I would like to know their perspective. Are they following God or are they angry and bitter... and if they are the latter, I'm guessing that would result in some retrospective consternation, as my older brother might say. I mean, you always hear that if you loose your kids for the sake of your ministry, then you haven't gained anything. And maybe he's challenging that idea, I don't know. But you might have to ask yourself - if the next generation of kids raised by active in the ministry parents grow up disillusioned with Christianity and the church, then have you gained a lot? Again, I'm just askin. don't shoot me! But feel free to let me know I have large rocks in my head.
Just a few thoughts...I feel deeply on this subject, but don't know how best to communicate my thoughts. In my own experience, and in observing other families in my 60 plus years, I've come to the conclusion that the parent's (and most particularly the mother's) ATTIDUDE is such a vital key. This said because most often it is the father who is most involved outside the home.
My mom married at age 19. Her farmer husband was ordained a minister in the largest Mennonite church in the Oregon 2 years later. They had 8 children and were poor. Mom was not perfect, but I NEVER heard or felt any complaint or resentment from her regarding the time Pop spent in the work of the church. That was what God had called him to and Mom never made that hard for him or made him feel guilty. And, unless we were ill, we all attended Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday evening church services, plus all special meetings, and most special ones of a neighboring church. And I remember sitting in the car after church oftimes, waiting while Pop talked to some needy person.
Mom also soldiered on with a new baby (me) and three other children ages 2-6 for a year or two when Pop had a "nervous breakdown". I knew my parents loved each other and that provides such security! One of my early memories is how my parents often stood facing each other after lunch, with arms around each other's neck, just talking and discussing their day.
The article states that "If there is one memory that our children should have of our families and our church it is this; they should remember God. God was first. God was central. There was a passion for the supremacy of God in all things." But even then, he adds that "We can do our best in putting God in the center and loving and praying and teaching. But in the end there is a chasm between teaching and knowing that only God can carry our children across." So true.
There was some rebellion in three of us eight siblings, for many years in one case, but God has been faithful in drawing him back, and none of us have ever blamed our problems on our parents' devotion to God and the church.
I don't know if I could have sent my children off to a missionary kid's boarding school, but Marvin's brother and wife did so when they went to Somalia with four young children.. sending the eldest,a first grader, to Kenya, and the next year her sibling went, too. And later another sibling - and they were and are fine, so...
I love reading biographies of godly women and this truth of UNCOMPLAINING support for a husband who is following God's larger call on his life comes through so often.
May God give you wisdom...
Melva
Engaged to a Piper Groupie? Oh how true it is. =) I have lots of thoughts and no time to share most of them. My favorite Piper sermon on this topic was back in 2002:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2002/109_The_Radical_Cost_of_Following_Jesus/
I think it is very peretinent to this discussion because Piper refers to John Paton who lost his wife and child to deseise in the Mission Feild on a Pacific Island off of New Zeland. What Piper said about being called to the mission feild is not about giving up everything, rather it is about giving up the thing that is more important to you then Christ. He talks about in Luke 9 when Christ says "Follow Me". There are two parts to that statement, one part hard and the other part sweet. The Hardness is the "follow" part. Christ path took him through Gethsemene, to the cross and then on to Paradise. That's what he went through. The sweetness is the "Me" part. Who is that? The creator of the universe. HIS presence, HIS comfort, HIS Guidence. HE is our treasure.
Hey for some silly reason the URL got deleted. I put it on my blog.
mathfridge dot blogspot dot com.
(I also had thoughts about the boarding school thing but I should head to campus soon)
Dave
I quickly read the whole semon/ article but I would like to listen to it and then process my thoughts some more. I have lots of them on this subject already and this is adding more. Until later....know I'll be back.
Very interesting. I didn't in fact read the article, but I want to when I have time. I like reading these discussions that make me think. We will be praying for you guys, esp S. I'd love to talk soon. Maybe we could set up a time.
I love you.
i'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts in an order that makes it sound like i'm responding to you. but, here are a few of my thoughts on this topic...
i think it really is all about attitude. at least 90% of the time. :) but in my limited experience, i agree with melva. the mother's attitude is (somewhat unfortunately) very influential in these matters.
it seems to me that the number of kids you have doesn't matter as much as your attitude. there are people with 1 or 2 kids that have no time for anybody or anything but those kids. there are people with 12 kids (or 15, in my grandparents case) that raise kids with hearts for the world.
in my limited experience in missions (although, arguably that's my whole life), i have often been very grateful that i wasn't sent to boarding school. at the same time, i'm often very confused by the very judgmental things i've heard said about parents who send their kids to boarding school. i used to be very critical of fathers who were away from home on a regular basis. now i'm married to a pilot who has had at least one night away from home for 4 or 5 weeks in a row and that trend is likely to continue for some time. i heard a mother speak on the pain and agony she went through when she felt that God called her to give up her kids to boarding school so that she could stay in madagascar. i feel strongly that no one can judge parents for choosing boarding school. we do not know the agony they may be going to in their quest to be truly obedient to the Lord.
matthew and i have often wondered what the difference is between the kids that resent boarding school and the kids that love it. we have concluded that a huge part of it is this: some parents stop parenting when their kids leave. some parents keep on being the parents, even from a distance.
the way that this applies to my life right now is relating to my attitude to matthew's schedule. i think that there isn't any point to me elaborating on what it is, because some people have it worse and some people have it better. let's not go there. the point is this: can i trust God to fill in the gaps that i feel are sometimes left because of M's work? can i believe that God has that under control? or should i fret about it, and nag M to cut down on his responsibilities?
melva, that excerpt is one of the key points in the article, as far as i'm concerned. if i must carry the burden of getting my kids across that chasm, i will just throw in the towel right now.
oh, i am only BEGINNING to know that sweetness that Dave refers to...and it is a comfort. it is only in that sweetness (and i truly feel that i'm only dipping the tip of my big toe into it so far) that i can trust God to make my attitude right in this area. to make Him more important than my marriage and my parenting, and trust Him to take care of the desires of my heart.
i hope that if you read all of this, you didn't expect each paragraph to lead to the next in an orderly manner. :D
i also hope that many more of you weigh in on this.
and, when we're done, i have another controversial quote to post. :D tee hee...
a few more thoughts:
Rachel, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to your comment about this being too subjective. I knew right away what it spoke to me about. I’d be interested in hearing from other parents...did you know right away?
If you care, the biggest thing I thought of was the way I often want to disguise my selfish desires as being a good parent. In other words, I want to manipulate life to meet my wishes and make it look like I’m a great parent for doing so.
Secondly, I don't want to face the idea that one of my children getting sick (and/or being hospitalized or, worst case scenario, dying...) could possibly be a price that God would ask of me. Especially when I feel that others could then judge me as being irresponsible because of it. I don't like that thought.
Thirdly, I was so challenged by the idea that the Bible must be “known first and known best.” Challenged and convicted to make the Bible a well-loved and often-read book for my children.
This quote from the article really got me, because I often wonder if we are doing the best to have the ideal home life when M is gone a lot (could we call it the Dobson ideal? I think you can all guess what I mean).
"There will be times, Jesus says (in Matthew 19:29), when "for my sake" you will leave children. And no doubt in leaving you will feel that the ideal home situation is being lost. And it is. But God is able to do more than we ever dreamed with the painful circumstances created by following his radical call."
Off on another tangent...
Does anyone think that the idea that "good" parents put their kids' education, health, and happiness FIRST is a relatively new idea? Might it not be all it's cracked up to be? Any thoughts?
Dave, please come back and share your thoughts on boarding school...
Iris, you promised to come back!! :) don't forget!
Anyone else out there? I can't imagine that such a topic wouldn't have made the rest of you readers go to sleep.
Hmm...and hmm...and hmmm....nothing new coming to the brain here. Fascinating topic though. And it's been very interesting to watch a number of families and even older couples do this leaving from this area to do foreign missions in the last couple years and see how they handle saying goodbye, leaving elderly parents, grandchildren, etc.
And I wonder sometimes if I should be feeling guilty for living far away from my parents as they get older? Maybe I have this subconscious thought that because I'm single I only live away from home because I want to, not because God has called me somewhere else. So, since I am "free" as compared to my married brother, I should be the one to move home when they get old and need help. Does that make sense at all???
I haven't even read the article so whatever I just said probably has nothing to do with what he's talking about, but it's what popped in my mind as relevant to my life after reading all your comments.
Ok Here I am. But not to comment yet. Unfortunately, I can not think very clearly right now and we are ready to hit the sack. We were unable to get online for 2 days and we are here now just to check email...and a blog or two. But I will get my thougths in order and out tomorrow. They have been running through my head off and on ever since I left the first comment here. =) I haven't forgotten. Just so you know.
Alrighty, hope this doesn't get too long.
First, I'd like to say that I see one big difference with reamining single for the sake of ministry and leaving your children for the same sake. It's well and fine if you choose to forgo marraige for ministry if God is asking you to do that. But hear me say loud and clear that I don't believe God would EVER ask a person to leave a spouse (as in separate or divorce) for the sake of ministry. Along the same lines, I believe that if God asks a married couple to forgo children for the sake of being more involved and free in minitry, blessings to you. But once those children are born to you as parents, you and no one else will be held responsible for their spiritual and emotional wellbeing and training. I fully agree with Mr. Piper that only God can take them across the chasm of knowing, to believing and accepting but we are the ones responsible for the teaching and training. We cannot expect the church, school, grandparents or others to do what God has commanded that we do. Yes, they can help, they can fill in the gaps, they can confirm, but they will not be held responsible for what we don't do. On the other hand, I dont' think we should be islands trying to do this huge thing all on our own. In fact, that has been one of the most difficult things about living where we do. We feel all alone in this big task with no "iron sharpening iron" and no mirror to reflect in. We pray for large doses of wisdom and insight.
I also believe, as Rhonda said, that 90% of "leaving children for the sake of ministry" is attitude. I have realy struggled at times with the sacrifices Arthur and I have chosen to give on behalf of our kids. It's much easier to give up stuff for myself. But some of the things "they" are "giving up" they will not even fully realize till they are much older...maybe even adults with kids of their own. Things that lots of other kids get and do such as (but not limited to) music lessons, swimming lessons, group sports, field trips, after-school jobs, high school, youth groups, parties, social activities, a few hours away from parents and family, playing at friends', close relationships with extended family, going to Sunday School, or church for that matter, being able to watch and learn from other strong Christians, etc. That's tough for me to do. But I believe it would be wrong for us to leave PH just so our kids could have and do all the stuff that "normal kids" have and do. Therefore we are leaving the "ideal" (not sure who made it that) for the sake of ministry, even though we have taken our children with us. Along those same lines, I believe it would be wrong for us to leave our children in RL or OH. with others just so they could have all those things. That would not be in thier best interest. They need us more than swimming or music lessons.
Another thought I had is that age has a lot to do with this decision of leaving children. Yes, you should be willing to move away from adult children to go where God asks you to go, even if you have 5 grandkids you would miss. And I believe that when it comes time for them to go to college, you should be able to send them away from home even if they are going 1,000 miles away, without feeling like you need to leave the mission field to go with them. I'm not saying I think it would be easy, following God is rarely that. Also please keep in mind that I am speaking form our own very small perspective and experience on the mission field. We don't live in a place that requires we even consider sending our kids away at this young age. And also, our kids are still young. Things may change drestically in my mind by the time ours are leaving for college. =) But I desire to believe that God gives us the grace and strength to do exactly what he asks us to do. I say desire because I know it's true but I struggle to really believe it at times. And that never seems to be the same thing from one family to another. (I say desire because I know it's true but I struggle to really believe it at times.
That's one thing God has been showing me lately, my unbelief in his being enough for our children. I tell Him all the time that I know His grace is enough for me, that He is the most important thing in my life, that I can handle anything if he is with me. But I have a hard time believeing that is true for our kids. It's a fear of mine that I have to confess over and over. I have to believe that his grace will also be enough for them, that he can fill in their gaps, be their best friend, bring them fullfillment. That the talents he gave them will still be there in 20 years and they can learn to play piano at 26 if they don't learn at 6. God has only just begun to be their personal God and he will never leave them. He has been reminding me often that He knew the ages, the make-up, the dynamics of our family long before he called us to PH. And he still called us. Because he has all the answers for each of our unique needs. He is able to meet them. He is enough. For each of us, no matter our age.
But not all is sacrifice in taking children to the mission field. I often think of what "normal children" have and do and are like and I'm grateful our children are growing up in a different setting wehre it's easy to see what's important. They see God providing for our every need. And I don't mean just financial. They see his immediate answers for protection, healing, peace, wisdom. They are learning to fight spriritual battles right along with their multiplication tables and Roman numerals. They are putting Scripture into practice every time they "give to someone who asks of you and when someone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back." They know what it is to forgive from the heart and have God heal their pain and anger. They know God in a way that I didn't experience till I was much older. Praise the Lord.
And then there are the other benefits like living where you can eat fish 3 nights of the week, have lake front property, do Sonlight for school, learn another language at a young age, be extremely close to your family, ride bikes without a helmet, go boating for a picnic or a swim, go camping for overnight whenever we want, have your dad eat 3 meals a day at home almost 7 days of the week, go with daddy when he goes visiting or running errands, live an adventurous life that most kids only dream or read about. =)
So anyway, that's a few of my thoughts on the subject. I hope I didn't sound too opinionated or judgemental. That's not my intention. Altough I do feel strongly about some of these things, I have to admit I am living one life and it happens to not involve decisions like boarding school and such. (Although I am grateful that in this age when homeschooling is much more common and easy it seems that boarding schools are less necessary than they used to be years ago.)
So now that I finally commented, you can go ahead and post the next discussion question, Rhonda. =)
Boarding school discussion:
Rhonda, Kevin & I agree with you about the observation that it depends on whether the parents stop parenting or continue parenting once their children go to boarding school. I've also seen two other things. One is personality. Some children will just enjoy it and be ready for the challenge (and then also affect their sibs as seen in the majunga clan). The other issue is the parents saying, "you can leave if it's not working out. You can come home". That speaks, obviously, that they still have a place at home and would be welcomed back...despite the rearranging that would be necessary.
I am looking forward to reading the rest of that article tonight when I have time.
Erin
So I have lots of thoughts now and they’re coming in no particular order.
I met a friend of mine on campus today who has been involved with campus ministries here at LSU. He had a mental break down about a year ago and a s a result dropped out of school. It made me think about Melva commenting about her Dad. Like how would a parent provide for their children in that type of situation? That sounds like a weighty role to play. But any ways this friend of mine has been working odd jobs and trying to get back into school. Well he told me today that he just lost his job this week, which is a pretty big set back for him.
I wanted to mention it in this discussion, because he made a comment about Job. At the start of the story of Job satan said, “He would not love you if you hadn’t provided all these things for him”. My friend said he has felt this week even in the midst of loosing his job, in a way it was an act of God’s love. That God wanted to be more of a priority, even with out a job. And it was profound to hear from someone who has keeps getting these bad breaks, the mental break down, dropping out of school, loosing a job. It’s easy to love the things that God provides because they are tangible and in front of you. And then have words thanking God, while your heart is only delighting in his provisions and not him. Like praising the bread while ignoring the baker. But he is worth so much more then the things he provides.
I’m reminded of the quote from St. Augustine “He loves Thee too little who loves anything together with Thee, which he loves not for Thy sake.” It is hard to crave His sweetness first. I mean right now I am engaged to the most wonderful woman on the planet. My heart is eager to delight in Rachel. But is my heart that eager to delight in God more? She is tangible while God is not. So in a sense it’s harder to delight in God. But I will not truly love her to the best of my ability if I am not putting God first.
But at the same time I agree with what Iris was saying. There is a unique stewardship you hold to provide for your spouse and your kids.
I did have thoughts about the boarding school thing. Rhonda said it is important not to place judgment on a Missionary family who sends their kid to boarding school. I would definitely agree. My Grandparent’s were Missionaries to West Africa in the 50’s and 60’s. They sent their kids to boarding school. My Grandparents are heroes of mine and have had a wonderful ministry over the years. But they have personally told me that looking back the boarding school was the wrong decision.
My Dad has been in the ministry for over 20 years at this point. It’s funny, he grew up in West Africa, but he is as white as they come. I’d say he is an authentic African American. I love my Dad but a part of me has wondered if he went to far to the other extreme. Like he didn’t want to make the same mistakes his parents made. When I was 10 I met a missionary kid who hated living over seas. It really had an impact on me. So I had a very negative attitude about not living in the US. So my Dad kept preaching in the suburbs. My brothers and I DID have the swimming lessons and school plays and Marching bands and so forth. But by the time I got to college I was at a point when I said to my Dad, “Why didn’t we go overseas?” He said, “Because I didn’t want to see you guys go through the heart ache my siblings went through.”
And I want to add that since I was a little kid, prayer has been an important part of our lives. Before I could even tie my shoes, my Daddy taught me how to pray. And even though part of me wishes we could have lived overseas, I know with out a doubt that my relationship with God today is a direct result of my relationship with my Dad.
My brother’s favorite movie is Fight Club, starring Brad Pitt. It’s about a couple guys who start an underground boxing club that eventually turns into a cult. Needless to say it’s not the most wholesome movie around. But there are a couple quotes from the movie that I think strike a chord. “Our father’s were supposed to be our portrait of God. If our father’s left us what does that say about God?” The other line is, “Why do week people always latch on to strong people?” I think that hits on a deep reality. Christians need to provide a culture of Christ for their children. And it’s something no other institution can provide.
But I think the point in raising our kids should be Deuteronomy 6. Is your household a Deuteronomy 6 household? Do you Love the Lord with all your heart, mind and strength? Do you talk about him as you walk along the road or when you eat? To do what is right in the Lord’s eyes so that it might go well with you and your household. Like Rhonda said it is mostly about attitude. Does your home have a Deuteronomy 6 attitude?
And like everyone else I’m just floating these thoughts out there. Love to hear comments. (I get the feeling from my recent IM with Rachel she might have thought about Deuteronomy 6.) hehe ;)
-Dave
Melva here again... I've been following this conversation with much interest and my reaction is Wow! This generation of parents (and potential parents)thinks deeply and is very articulate in expressing beliefs and feelings. Lots of food for thought! And I feel some of your struggles.
Looking back, I think I more just committed my life to God, and then expected that once I was in His stream, He would direct the current. In other words, sure we would pray for God's direction, but since He didn't write the answers out on our living room wall, we'd tell Him we were going to start off a certain way, and to open or close doors for us. (And some pretty clear things happened on that score!)
You've caused me to relive the years that our children were born in Kenora and raised at Grassy Narrows. Like Iris says, there were some plusses for sure.... like the close family life, the constant contact and interaction with nature, the cross-cultural experiences (which included some good friends their age) and more adult friends than is usual. Probably the worst thing that happened to them was with a boarder we had one winter, but we were entirely unaware of that situation until years later.
Our two children attended the public school on the reserve for 2 and 3 years respectively. Kindergarten was O.K., but there were those kids who made it real tough for them from there on. (Think first-grader with teeth loosened, beginning to wet pants during school, etc.)That was 30 years ago, so home schooling wasn't really much on the radar. Not that it never crossed our mind, because I remember feeling that our children were getting all their God-teaching from us, and I dearly desired that they hear it reinforced by other adults.
When Becky was ready for grade 3 and Leon grade 2 we talked to mission headquartes asking if we (they) could start a private school for us. They said they would provide a teacher if we would pay all expenses. Then a Christian native friend asked if he could send his two kids (and he shared the expenses). So that was great! The second year a few more came. And that school grew and went on for about 20 years and was a blessing to many kids from the reserve. And Becky even returned and taught there for several years!
Having said that, we ended up staying only 3 years after the school started, and it had a lot to do with what we perceived as the best for our children. We spoke to some other senior missionaries (from NLGM) who had kept on through their kid's teen years and they advised us to go. So we did when they were 10 and 11 years old.
Personally, I didn't struggle too much with that decision as I felt the call on my life to Grassy was probably fulfilled (18 years total)and it was time for someone with new vision and energy to take up the mantle. Marvin felt that way to a degree, but not so strongly.
Our insisting on needing a school had another good outcome... that's how Debby Ropp came to Grassy, and what a blessing she's been, and still is, to that place! So even if we're not always sure we are doing everything according to God's Plan A, He knows our heart and can bring good from our actions.
I don't know if any of this is helpful, but it's meant to encourage that if our heart is towards God, He will ultimately cause good things to come out of our actions even when the path is not always clearly defined at the time we are walking it.
This has all been a very interesting discussion. I'm not quite sure if I can articulate as well as the rest of you, the thoughts swimming around in my head.
I always thought I would be raising my kids on the mission field, and maybe someday I will be. But for now I believe we are called to continue our (Daryl's) education and live "here". In some ways, this is a pleasant surprise, but a part of me is wishing that they were being raised in another culture, because of all that it entails - like all the things Iris was saying, and because that's how I was raised.
I guess I say all that to say that I almost find myself feeling guilty for raising my kids in the ease and relative luxury that we have. And wondering how my kids will turn out since they are being exposed to all kinds of stuff they wouldn't be exposed to if we lived in another culture (some negative and some positive).
I think Rhonda's point about putting our kids' needs FIRST is relatively new. While our parents considered our needs, I don't think they planned their lives around them. It is a good reminder to me that while I value the health, education, etc. of my children, the call of God is far greater and will last for eternity. And while I want them to be involved in sports, music, etc. they won't take it to heaven with them, and it's not the end of the world if they never do it. I never want to be so caught up in making sure my kids are part of "the world" that I can't sacrifice those things for the sake of the call.
The big question that Daryl and I have been struggling with lately is how much to expose our kids to and how much to shelter them. Since I'm the only parent with young kids speaking from a non-missionary perspective, let me tell you it is tough to know. I'm not saying it's harder here, I don't think it is. Because I know your kids see/hear things my kids don't have a clue about. But my kids are being exposed to pop culture which I HATE. How do you forsake the things of the world to raise your kids in the middle of it? It helps me to think that I must learn to teach them that Jesus must be their everything, even if they get rejected by others.
I mean really, even though we all have different issues, we all should be teaching them the same basic truths - like Rhonda said about the Bible being well read, and well loved, and about God being the ultimate authority in our lives.
Maybe I took this a different direction that you all did...But it is weird thinking about this when we've often wished for that CALL, and are discovering it just might be here at home...If/when we know that for sure, will we raise our kids differently than the average Mr and Mrs Christian?
Wow.... I didn't even make it through all the comments tonight, never mind the article. But I will. I, too, will be back. (No promises as to how soon!) I'll be coming from the non-missionary/young children perspective that Robyn is. For now... I've gotta get some sleep.
Don't know if anyone's still reading this, but I'm back with a few more comments...
After reading Iris' comments about age making a difference (young children vs. college-aged), I agree. However, I realized that I would want to be quite willing to process this with my kids as they get to be teenagers. I think that it's important for parents to discuss options with high-school aged kids and not just make a blanket statement "You ARE better off with us." In my mind that's a good set-up for, how did Rachel say it? Retrospective consternation? :) But, at the same time, I hope, by the grace of God, that I will never judge other's decisions. Only the parents and the child know all the history, decision process, etc that is behind what they choose.
Iris, when I read your list of benefits that your kids are experiencing, it brought back tons of memories and things I'm so grateful for in my childhood. On the flip side, some of those things are so opposite from what my kids are experiencing, and I have (and still am) grieving the absence of them in my children's lives. They have so many good things in their lives, though, and I want to recognize that daily.
Erin, I think that you make a very good point with being willing to accommodate a returning child. It seems to me that for most ministry parents that would be much harder than it sounds, especially for a mother who is ready to get involved a bit more than she was able to with kids at home. That sacrifice would be meaningful to a kid, I would think.
Dave, I appreciate your thoughts and for this time of my life "praising the bread while ignoring the baker" was a timely challenge. I also appreciated what you shared from your family history - it's so valuable to share that sort of thing, I think.
Melva! Somehow I did not see your second comment until just now, and it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you soooo much for taking the time to weigh in on this issue. As I said to Dave, I think it's important to talk about "history".
Got to run...but I'll be back!
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